October 14, 2009

ajal dan maut di tangan tuhan

what a good way to start a blog post.
the internet connection didn't go wacko like yesterday.
sweet song playing on music player. (currently listening to: Circles by Colbie Caillat)
see, i told you. Everything seems going on smoothly except for one friggin thing.
*sigh!* (ahh, malas wanna bother.)

i just love wednesdays. WHY?
simply because I only have one class on that day. *laughs*
rasanya hari ni the first time ever i didnt stay long at college.
usually i hang around for awhile after class and such.
but not today. i have other responsibilities. sometimes we need to do some sacrifices.

i have my CS quiz today. *laughs*
it was fine. thank god. Ewan was LATE. apparently he overslept in the train. errr.
too tired of playing in the gym i guess. *LOL*

after quiz went for breakfast with Julian. i didnt even meet Sasha, Zazaa and Zaza. but i did met Jes. just for a little while though. miss officially single. *smile*
talk hell lot with Julian. he's funny!

then rushed back to mum's office to go to the General Hospital.
then the story goes.....

earlier this morning, my Dad wake me up by dropping a BIG HUGE emo bomb on me. sad news to begin the day with. alongside with rain, cloudy and grey morning. i was stunned for awhile. it was a family friend. Auntie Fadilaa. she and my parents go wayyyyy back. Selangor Shooting Association people. she's now in critical condition. suffering a breast cancer. after class me and my parents went to pay her a visit. the feeling when once we reached her bed is nervewrecking. and i am confused. i used to love the hospital enviroment. but why not it changed? *thinking* Auntie Fadilaa seriously ill. she have all these weird wires attached to her. she can't talk. she can't move. i restrained my tears. the doctor said, her lung is now 95% infected by germs and bacteria. additionally, there's no hope for her. it shows how critical her situation is. but miracle could happen. as long as she have the willpower. i remebered her saying,"there's nothing for me here now." but seeing her just now, as if as she already give up. from what i saw, i think she's just hanging on to give her family and friends the last chance to see her. the worst part of this whole story is Auntie Fadilaa didnt have any children neither a husband. this is what really triggered my point just now. it just get to me. in the car ride back from the hospital, i did alot of thinking. future. marriage never came cross in my life-planning. after seeing Auntie Fadilaa, it made me thinking, what if in the future my situation gonna be likewise? who is going to take care of me? i don't know how long my parents will be around. they will most probably go before me. i dont want to be a troublesome to my siblings. if i dont get married, who gonna take care of me if i'm destined to be sick like Auntie Fadilaa? this question really scares me. another question popped out. what if i do get married but the children and the husband doesnt care about me. it will be just the same. am i making any sense here? two questions. no answer. let future worries itself. i finally dropped the subject playing in my head before i gop further.
"Dearest Auntie Fadilaa, kuatkan semangat. di sini masih ramai yang memerlukan your softness, your comforting words, your spirit. be strong and get well soon. we'll gonna wait for you and always pray for your well being. after seeing what you've been through, you'll be such an inspiration to many people out there. including me. may Allah bless you in the best way He can. be strong. be strong. be strong. be strong. Amiin~"

No comments: