Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

July 3, 2010

kelam dunia


kau tak adil.
kau sekat segala-gala nya.
semua nya kau kata kan tidak.
hanya tidak yang boleh kau ungkapkan.

tidak kah kau tahu itu adalah cara aku untuk merasai nikmat hidup?
nikmat hidup yang tak seberapa ini?
yang sangat 'daif' jika nak dibanding kan dengan manusia-manusia lain.
jadi ini lah cara ku.

itu pun di sekat dan di kawal.
kau tahu betapa pilu dan sedih nya hati ini bila kau katakan tidak kepada segala-galanya?
betapa hancur nya hati dan jiwa ini?
seolah-olah kau ambil semua diri ku dan simpan kan ia di dalam balang kaca.

seringkali hati ini meronta-ronta untuk memberontak,
tapi itu semua tidak mungkin kan?
aku tahu. kerana apa?
kerana mereka adalah mereka, dan takkan berubah.
walau tangisan darah mengalir.

jadi apa yang boleh aku lakukan sekarang?
aku sudah sedar dan tahu situasi dan hakikat tidak boleh berubah,
apa saja yang boleh di lakukan?
apa? mengalah? atau sebalik nya?

masih menjadi persoalan itu semua.
aku letih penat memikirkan nya.
sekarang aku hanya merasakan diri ku dicuri.
di sekat itu perkara biasa, aku sudah lali.
tapi kini yang terbaru, di curi.

lepas ini apa pulak ya?
aku tertanya-tanya.
sampai bila?
aku takut aku tak mampu terus kan lagi.







June 30, 2010

my pathetic first attempt!

never in my life that I felt such doubt in myself. as for those who know me well, I am not a 'doubtful' person in any way (ohh soo i said). not just that I felt that doubt, i also felt the intimidation and the eerie feeling of unable to do such thing. before I go on and on (blaberring) about this piece of shit, I am talking about MY FIRST ATTEMPT OF DRIVING AFTER I OFFICIALLY RECEIVED MY LICENCE. one pathetic attempt may I add.

yes I know I am considered lame to write about this as there are people who already wrote about this like 3 or 4 years ago. what can I do, I am late bloomer for heaven sake! plus, there much more to life than just to take that freaking dreadful driving classes and tests! Pak Cik Is, thank you for the driving lessons! ;)

most people took their driving licence when they were 18 or 17 even 16 years old. but i took mine now (i am 19). why? lets just say that i have some issues with responsibilities. i mean, when i finished my high school, i don't even trust myself whether or not I can leave the car that i'm driving securely lock or I will not lose the car keys. even now I don't get to hold or keep my house keys since I already lost it for 2 times. i think my dearest father gave up on me upon this matter. Sorry Babah! i guess i am born this way? :D

anyway, the story goes like this, 3days ago, i officially received my P licence. therefore it means that my dad also officially let me drive. today, when i came back from college ....

(at my parent's office)

Babah: Mana lesen P kau? (with a smirk on his face.)
me: (searching through my pile of junk in the bag) err? nahh.
Babah: hmm. official dah laa nie?
me: duhhhh.
Babah: then, go and fetch Adik from school.
me: ohh? which school?
Babah: he's in bdr tasik selatan for his soccer practice.
me: (jaw dropped!) my parent's office is in bukit jalil, my little brother's school is in Bdr tasik selatan. not that far actually but it is far me whom is still fresh to this vicious driving world! (fine i am being dramatic.)
babah: why? kan dah ada lesen?
me: (with a doubtful but trying to cover up myself tone) fine, lets go, you are coming with me.
babah: alright. lets go.


overall the journey was okay (according to my dad) but according to me it was CRAZY! this is where my frustration and doubt came in. i even feel disappointed with myself! i hate it when i feel this way. really hate it.

persoalan nya sekarang: can i drive or can i not? (T_____T)



what will you do for the sake of love?
how far would you go for love?
will you go beyond your own expectations and abilities?
will you?
i am blessed to have found someone very special that fills the blank in my heart.
thank you for everything that you have done.
:)

March 14, 2010

kisah si Anonymous

it has been awhile since i last blog.

alot had happened during the period of me MIA-ed from this blog space of mine.

sometimes, i even asked myself, "am i lying to myself? or its just another one of my randomness that kicks in?" nonetheless, i'm trying my best to keep things as they are.

no words from Anonymous any more. sad? yeah, kinda. Anonymous have been a very good friend. it is a shame for me to lose such a good friend. the 'best' part of all this is, i dont even know whether if i did something wrong or said something wrong. then again, world doesnt revolves around me only. it might have been of Anonymous PMS-ing. i dont know. i really hate it when i dont have a clue about what's going on. it gives me the chills of revisiting the past. uhh. the ugliness of THAT past. [p/s: if u are reading this Anonymous, i just want you to know that i dont want to lose a very good friend like yourself.]

moving on ~

i finally got to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! hahaha. all thanks to Zaza Jamil who downloaded it for me. she went all the way to MMU. but of course she doesnt do it on the sole purpose of me, she also gained benefit from the trip. also, she downloaded My Sister's Keeper for me. but sadly, the movie was quite differ from the novel itself. the ending. but, the movie made me tears yet again as the novel did. *clap clap* a piece of artwork that is well crafted yet well written! *standing ovation! to Jodi Picoult*

me and mates figured out a way to enjoy leisure but at low cost. haha. sharing is caring!

well, till then fellow earth residents! ciao~

March 10, 2010

shoelace bukan sekadar shoelace

i'm writing this while chewing Shoelace that Jes bought for me. i always eat the strawberry flavoured ones but the cola and apple flavoured also not as bad. that's why in life we need to have guts to try something new. what we got to lose? who knows, we might find something we love at the end of the journey. see, Shoelace candy just as not as simple as candy. it's how you see it. perhaps, life is also likewise. but then, who am i to even talk about life. i havent live this life as much. for god sake, i'm not even 19 yet. what are my rights to talk about life. i'm just a simple girl that still struggling to find who am i, what am i and how am i going to survive all these.

ohh right thee then, lets put all that aside, shall we?

well, highlights of the week, my dearest Jesmyn Tan just turned 19! woohoo!

what we did for her? *hehe*

we surprise her for lunch at Chilies. well, she thought she's on a date with the boyfie. actually, the surprise was quite normal BUT the whole process before the surprise is UN-normal. i merely gone insane!

  • present: a long brown purse from Ripcurl (as she wanted.) upon purchasing this present, i had to run like i never ran before. note, i am not a running person. in fact, i am not any person for those vigorous activities. =__=
  • Sasha made a photo album for her. DIY. as we all know how she love DIY stuff. with lotsa pictures. provided by me.
  • steal Edmund's the boyfie) number from her cell. ooh, that's my job. took it when we were at Jes place, on final individual HC presentation.
  • both zaza's figure out the place, invite people and all.
  • then, on the day itself, Ed's car broke down, then we ended up loitering around Midvalley while waiting. but in the end, everything turn out OK.
  • have a post party at Neway with chocolate session. ber lalala sampai tekak berdarah. huhu.
here are some pictures:

group pictures at Chilies


nampak macam soo kesian rite? haha.
we are waiting for Jes.



post party!


birthday girl looked soo happy.



selamat hari lahir Jes!
mwaaaaa. love u to bits lahh!

my dearest psp, may you'll have a better life with ur new owner.
i don't want to, but i have to.
you have been more than just a gaming console. you have been with me in my darkest hours. be at my side when i needed no human beings to even talked to me. thank you.
btw, mine was the white one. the black one is my lil brother's.


March 7, 2010

muzik teman di kala kusut


WHEN I LOOK AT YOU : Miley Cyrus

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the night's are long
Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
Can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
When I look at you
I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong and I know
I'm not alone
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
Can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that
Cover me
All I need
Every breath, that I breathe
Dontcha know?
You're beautiful
Yeah yeah..
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I cant find my way home anymore
Thats when I,
I I look at you
I look at you
Yeah yeah..
Oh oh..
You appear just like a dream to me

OST of the upcoming movie The Last Song. a brilliant piece of work by Nicholas Sparks. from novel to filmscreen i am really looking forward to it.

March 6, 2010

note to self


for the time being, i just need to keep reminding myself of the positive.
how great it is, right on the time when i am about to really change, it happen.
on the bright side, nasib baik. hmm.
God is trying to tell me something. i just know it. but what?
mayday mayday mayday!
i need MYSELF back stat!
current mode: AKU, SAYA, SELF, INDIVIDUAL and ME.


March 3, 2010

unamed


AKU HANYA MANUSIA BIASA
YANG MUNGKIN SEDIKIT kks !!!!

hate yuu!

at times it is fun when you're not number one. also, at times, it SUCK big time when you don't even know what number you are at.


February 28, 2010

terkenang

i cant sleep. it's 1:50AM. i don't know why that recently i have this weird flashbacks of those high school times. it's messing with my head yet my heart. i hate it.

wait! i'm not saying i don't want to remember those time. the past is who we are today. it's just that sometimes, it tend to be merely overwhelming. and it's not a good thing.

well, i am randomly cant sleep and trying to find stuff to do till i feel sleepy. dear mp3 is plug-in to my ears.

hmm. let see. ooh, let's play 'mine'. click ...

*music play*

You know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm go ing through,
I just Can't Smile Without You.
You came along just like a song
and brightened my day,
Who'd've believe that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away.
And now you know I Can't Smile WIthout You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I"m going through,
I just can't smile.
Now some people sa y happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.
And you see,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
Y ou see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just Can't Smile Without You

of all
the awesome song i pick t be in 'mine' why must this song came out? at this time? goodness gracious! again, down the memory lane. *hey you! i did not have Starbucks ever since. let's have some when the time comes ok? (if you're reading, but i highly doubt it.)* anyway, do any of you recognize this song? hmm. it's Barry Manilow - Cant Smile Without You.

mungkinkah aku rindu?

February 27, 2010

jiwa manusia

NAFSU?

KEINGINAN?

manusia sering kali terperangkap dek dua elemen ini. aku juga, seperti manusia lain yang tak pernah terkecuali untuk jatuh ke gaung nafsu dan keinginan ini. terlalu banyak nafsu yang lantas telah menimbulkan pelbagai keinginan. keinginan untuk memiliki. memiliki apa? bermacam-macam. material, kasih sayang, perhatian, penerimaan, dan apa saja. lumrah hidup, satu masalah timbul, walaupun nafsu membuak-buak inginkan sesuatu, adakah kita sentiasa akan dapat apa yang kita inginkan itu? tentu nya tidak. kenapa begitu? mari lah kita bersama-sama renungkan kembali mengapa keinginan itu disekat. aku percaya, semua perkara terjadi di atas sebab. bak kata orang putih bermata biru,"everything happens for reasons." walaupun begitu, adakah kita dapat lihat sebab itu? tidak semua golongan boleh berfikir dengan sebegitu rasional. aku tahu, kerana aku lah golongan itu (at times.) aku selalu berharap agar aku boleh jadi golongan yang sentiasa rasional tanpa selalu dipengaruhi emosi tidak stabil. tapi, harapan tinggal harapan kerana it is easier said than done.


sayang? atau sayang?

“sayang, sayang sayang sayang takk? Sayang sayang sayang.”

Banyak kan perkataan sayang itu di ulang-ulang dalam satu ayat? If you ask me, it’s kinda annoying. Okay, apart from that. I am writing this upon the courtesy of Anonymous, very good friend of mine as I mentioned in my past post.

Apekah yang tersirat di sebalik perkataan ‘sayang’ itu? Adakah ia sekadar perkataan semata-mata yang boleh diucap oleh sesiapa pun? Atau, ia adalah lebih dari itu? I’m sure this must came across your mind before. Satu lagi persoalan yang melibatkan ‘sayang’ ini, apekah sebenar nya konsep sayang itu? Wujudkah konsep sayang yang definite or sayang yang variety?

Mungkin kata-kata aku sekarang tak dapat diterima dek akal kalian. Tapi, what am i trying to say here is, wujudkah di dunia yang kita hidup sekarang ini sayang yang definite dan sayang yang variety? Apa itu sayang yang definite? Apakah pula sayang yang variety?

Maksud aku terhadap frasa ‘sayang yang variety’ adalah, perasaan sayang yang mempunyai level yang membezakannya. Contoh, aku sayang Eika, Zabri, Ghazmil, Jesmyn, Zaza, Sasha, dan Zazaa (sayang mereka sebagai sahabat), aku juga sayang Mama, Babah, Along dan Adik (sayang mereka sebagai keluarga). tapi dua-dua pun sayang. Cuma, mestilah berbeza tahap dan level perasaan sayang tu terhadap dua kategori ini. Tapi lain pula si Anonymous kata, dia kata, sayang is sayang (sayang yang definite). Macam, makan nasi, makan ayam, makan donut, tapi semua pun makan. Makan tetap makan. Boleh terima takk apa yang Anonymous kata ni? Sebab, pada aku, memang lah makan is makan tapi bila kita makan, sama tak rasa kenyang makan nasi dengan rasa kenyang bila kita makan donut? Berbeza kan? Tapi sebab aku sayang Anonymous, aku terima apa yang Anonymous kata. (terima tak semesti nya sokong.) And because i believe that everyone have the right to say what they’re thinking.

Moving on ...

erkk? my brain is currently slumped! wait wait, please don't crash baby! i need you now! my Lord! uhh! lemme take a deeeeeeeep breath ..... i give up! better luck next time!


~toodles~



February 26, 2010

kisah final individual presentation HC


sangat semangat membuat visual aid untuk presentation.
no kidding! i am not good with these sort of things but suddenly rajin semacam wanna do all these. weird but true. these picture are evidences!


taa-daa! siap! not soo bad huh? *blushed*


on 25th february 2010, FINAL INDIVIDUAL PRESENTATION FOR HUMAN COMM. OUR LAST CHANCE! whoah! no pressure there. yearrite! hmm. the topic was, to persuade. we are needed to do a presentation that will persuade our audience to believe whatever crap we are saying. the choices were, we could sell products, invite audience to join associations or club, and anything that could persuade others. therefore i choose to invite my audience to join an activity club. credits to Ms. Zazaa Jamil because she help me when i was brainstorming. i made an imaginary baking club that is new at campus and needed membership. long story cut short, my presentation was not really succesly executed! Mr. Hellis (my lecturer) commented that i needed to plan my movement. that is his polite way to say that I AM EVERWHERE. it's dissapointing because i had the similar comment when i was debating in high school. but my debate coach was even straight-forward,"Liyana, you need a straight-jacket." but i still love you both, Puan Nurul and Puan Malini. how dissapointed am i when got to know that as if i didnt improve since high school! WHATTAHECK? but as Sasha said,"nevermind Lynn, dah lepas dah pun." yeah, she's right. the best part of all this is it's only 5% for our carry mark. AWESOME!

among all my classmates who did their presentation that day, it was Panda's presentation which i most like. i love the poem part. she even looked as if she wanna cry! seriously! heartfelt! job well done Panda! ooh ya, her topic was Organ Donation. now even i am considering to be a donor. wow, she really persuaded me! my other classmates did well too. Anne (classmate) did on selling a breast firming cream! and Qym (classmate) did on sanitary pads. they got guts! and yet we got a few male classmates too. wth, even our lecturer is a guy! hahaha. funny.

btw, i am writing an awesome piece! but still in my draft though. it might take some time. *wink. kalau ade sebarang idea yang nak dikongsi, ape salah nya."

bye for now!



komik makin banyak. rak tuu pulak dah macam melengkung dah. nak runtuh ke awak? tiba-tiba Mama kate suruh jual konik kat pak cik surat khabar lama. sungguh terhina rasanya!


January 11, 2010

monday

me: ooh hello monday? have u been here long?
monday: durhh! i've been around since you're not even born yet!
me: sheesh! no need lahh to be soo grumpy.
monday: wth? i am monday, it is part of my job to be grumpy.
me: izit? what if i say my monday has been such a bliss? *dancing off happily.
monday: what? that action and words is such a disrespectful thing to do.
me: hehe. nope. is not a sin to be happy on monday you know.
monday: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

today is monday. duhh. laughs. i suppose not to have any class today but me and Jes have an appointment with our human comm lecturer for our presentation this coming thursday. before that i went breakfast with Ezuan. see, how can my monday be not a bliss when i see my Ezuan bright early in the morning. but it is somehow a lil bit awful early in the morning. my dad's kornea swollen and need to be rush to the hospital that night. but my mum insisted for me n my brother to go college n school. so off i go.

while on my way to college, got a text from Jes, uh-oh! mayday mayday! houston, we have a problem! early in the morning got a text like that. wth? all the sudden? JESMYN TAN ERN-LEI! my lil heart screamed! nevermind. saye memujuk hati sendiri. maybe it's actually not THAT bad.

we went to have lunch at mcd after the discussion with mr. hellis. and officially, mcd witness everything. i cant believe my eyes and ears myself. i had a looooooooooooooooong chat with jes.

p/s: Jes, i'll be by your side for whatever happens kay? you'll always have my shoulder to cry on. no reservations needed.

even Ezuan joined us for desert after Jes all cooled down. ice-cream anyone? hee!


i kinda clean up my room a lil bit and found this cd. i remembered this cd contain of songs that i burn during i was form 5 but i forgotten what songs is in the cd. so i put in my lappy and started to play it. 1st track was Bubbly by Colbie Caillat. hmm? normal i guess. but when it turn to track 2,3,4,5 and so on i was like wth with a smile on my face! memories! soo many of them! high school! miss them hell alot! plus the fact that a good friend of mine Atikah go upload all the old photos on facebook doesnt help much. it make me more and more miss them. not only my classmates, but all the people who make my high school life soo colourful!


enough typing for now i guess. oodles of love people!

October 19, 2009

sasha's Deeparaya

saat jari jemari berdetap detap di atas papan kekunci ini, lagu PeterPan - Kau Katakan Dengan Indah mengiringi penulisan ku.

if you guys read my previous blog post, you'll know who is Auntie Fadilaa is. SAD NEWS. she passed away on Saturday 17th October 2009. may she rest in peace and may Allah bless her. we gonna missed her. indeed. they (the doctors and the family members) actually agreed on taking off the life support she had on. well, they know best i guess though somehow i kinda not agree on that. but who are we wanna pitch ideas on this matter. i dont have the right. ooh well, what's done is done. yes, we may grieve for a little while but we the ones who still alive are still have to move on with our lifes. so, lets us not look back (though the past is important.) and just move forward. forward. (Al-Fatihah for Auntie Fadilaa..)

monday monday monday.
the weather such nice today. hooray! despite the Emo bomb dropped on me and my friends today, but still because of the weather, it still forgiven. *laughs* (i seriously dont care about people like you, such a waste to the world!)

currently i am reading 'The Rules of Life by Richard Templar'
why? simply because i need to cherish my life more and improve my grammar and English. at one point, i felt that as if my English was rotted and very bad. *rolling on the floor*
very interesting book. it consists of a total of 100 rules.
"A personal code for living a better, happier, more successful kind of life."
now i am at Rule # 4: Accept Yourself.

i think thats all for now, Accounting Midterm is coming soon!
study study study. need to put more effort on this subject because never in my life associated with accounting. *laughs*

WAIT!!!

we went to Sasha's place for a DeepaRaya Openhouse. as Sasha is half Malay and half Indian thats why we called it DeepaRaya. *smiles* here are some pictures! credits to Jesmyn Tan and Jamilah Zahirah for the pictures because i didnt bring my camm that day. ngee!


Jes and si tuan rumah.
takde gambar dengan tuan rumah. maaf.


asyraff. beruang! ade sorang lagi tapi MIA laa gambar die.
terimakasih cz selalu bawak kami pergi makanmakan.
best!


my favourite picture of all the bunch!
but incomplete without Sashareen Omar!


our dearest Coddy!! thanks for driving us!!
i know you stressed naik kereta dengan we all.
TEKAN MINYAK TUU SAYANG!!!
hahahaha.


last but not least,
greetings of Deeparaya from Me and Jes!
thanks for the hearthy meal Sha!!!
i had fun fun fun!


Bye Bye for now!!!

luv always,
Liyana Lynn

October 14, 2009

ajal dan maut di tangan tuhan

what a good way to start a blog post.
the internet connection didn't go wacko like yesterday.
sweet song playing on music player. (currently listening to: Circles by Colbie Caillat)
see, i told you. Everything seems going on smoothly except for one friggin thing.
*sigh!* (ahh, malas wanna bother.)

i just love wednesdays. WHY?
simply because I only have one class on that day. *laughs*
rasanya hari ni the first time ever i didnt stay long at college.
usually i hang around for awhile after class and such.
but not today. i have other responsibilities. sometimes we need to do some sacrifices.


i have my CS quiz today. *laughs*
it was fine. thank god. Ewan was LATE. apparently he overslept in the train. errr.
too tired of playing in the gym i guess. *LOL*


after quiz went for breakfast with Julian. i didnt even meet Sasha, Zazaa and Zaza. but i did met Jes. just for a little while though. miss officially single. *smile*
talk hell lot with Julian. he's funny!



then rushed back to mum's office to go to the General Hospital.
then the story goes.....




earlier this morning, my Dad wake me up by dropping a BIG HUGE emo bomb on me. sad news to begin the day with. alongside with rain, cloudy and grey morning. i was stunned for awhile. it was a family friend. Auntie Fadilaa. she and my parents go wayyyyy back. Selangor Shooting Association people. she's now in critical condition. suffering a breast cancer. after class me and my parents went to pay her a visit. the feeling when once we reached her bed is nervewrecking. and i am confused. i used to love the hospital enviroment. but why not it changed? *thinking* Auntie Fadilaa seriously ill. she have all these weird wires attached to her. she can't talk. she can't move. i restrained my tears. the doctor said, her lung is now 95% infected by germs and bacteria. additionally, there's no hope for her. it shows how critical her situation is. but miracle could happen. as long as she have the willpower. i remebered her saying,"there's nothing for me here now." but seeing her just now, as if as she already give up. from what i saw, i think she's just hanging on to give her family and friends the last chance to see her. the worst part of this whole story is Auntie Fadilaa didnt have any children neither a husband. this is what really triggered my point just now. it just get to me. in the car ride back from the hospital, i did alot of thinking. future. marriage never came cross in my life-planning. after seeing Auntie Fadilaa, it made me thinking, what if in the future my situation gonna be likewise? who is going to take care of me? i don't know how long my parents will be around. they will most probably go before me. i dont want to be a troublesome to my siblings. if i dont get married, who gonna take care of me if i'm destined to be sick like Auntie Fadilaa? this question really scares me. another question popped out. what if i do get married but the children and the husband doesnt care about me. it will be just the same. am i making any sense here? two questions. no answer. let future worries itself. i finally dropped the subject playing in my head before i gop further.
"Dearest Auntie Fadilaa, kuatkan semangat. di sini masih ramai yang memerlukan your softness, your comforting words, your spirit. be strong and get well soon. we'll gonna wait for you and always pray for your well being. after seeing what you've been through, you'll be such an inspiration to many people out there. including me. may Allah bless you in the best way He can. be strong. be strong. be strong. be strong. Amiin~"

October 13, 2009

let tomorrow falls by itself


[please just ignore the irrelevant picture. just some randomness to start up my blog post.]

tiba-tiba jejari terasa ringan untuk menaip dan suddenly there's soo many ideas in my head. tingg!

though at first my internet connection gone a lil bit wacko but finally here I am typing happily.

i received a VERY INTERESTING text message from Jes.

well, thank god i kinda got an early warning about this. or else i think i'm gonna get a heart attack level 3! NOT! things happen for a reason.

today, me and Jes finally got the chance to have our HEART to HEART talk. *relief* it's good when you can just talk and listen. yes Jes, GOD is fair. very much fair. GOD took something away from us, be it a bad or a good thing, GOd will surely replace it with something better. but it depends on how we as beings see it. two perspectives of life brings much differences to potraying who we are and where we stand. so, let's have the perspective of life which potray us as human beings with dignity, optimism and intelligence.

*hugging beloved Bantal while thinking what to blogg*


today WE (me, Jes, Zaza, Zazaa, and Sasha) had Nasi Lemak for our brunch.
picture credits to Miss Zaza Zahar!
today with much 'proud', i wanted to tell the world that i actually resisted a very tempting invitation! sounds wrong? zazaa having her hair appointment today at Pavilion, so Sasha tag along with Coddy and invited me and Jes together. means, we have to skip our class if we were to go. as much as i wanted to go (to be honest!) but i was thinking about 'setting my priority right' and bla bla bla. so long story cut short, i didnt go. i mean, we (me and Jes) didnt go. ooh yaa, zaza tag along with the others but she went to see her sayang. i'm just soo proud of myself! haha.

+++++++++++++

updates on my 'Drama'

most of the things happens to fall into right places. but the one that matters to me the most, doesnt seem moving in that direction. i wonder why. *suddenly lovesongs playing pulak!* i believes everything happens for reasons. for whatever reasons it is, i will try to accept it as the best way i can. i can do it once then i can do it again. i think i am just tired to play along this time. yes, i admit his game is interesting yet very FUN but maybe time is not right for us now.

me: "we obviously need time."
him: "yeah, but do time need us?"

his texts always need me to think and read between the lines. beyond the lines and whatever there is more than just the line. i think i lost touch in this way of texting. friggin uhh! do i need to find the ooh-soo-called-ability back in order to get me back in the game OR just dont bother much about it? haha.

p/s: Hariz, penat ahh ikut game anda!

October 10, 2009

sigh is the theme

menyusun sepuluh jari tangan, meminta maaf zahir dan batin sempena Aidilfitri ini. although Raya nearly over, there's always time for seeking forgiveness. for me, in order for us to forgive and forget, we need to be sincere and honest. that two qualities need time. so that's why i'm a little bit late in this sort of matter. hehe. anyway, my Raya mood just kick-off recently, after coming back from Bali then only my Raya mood came!

sudah lama jejari ini tidak berjalan di atas keyboard tersayang untuk menulis blog. busy busy busy is my main reason. second semester just started, now damn effin busy with quizzes, revision, catching up and such. not only busy with college stuff, but i'm also accidently tangled myself in a big huge giant spider web! *sigh*

there's sooo many stuff happen lately.

i have to stop running away and make a choice. that is what my friends told me. Baqir, Sasha, Jes, Zaza and Zazaa. *sigh*

(1st him)
i am afraid because i dont know him. 1 and half year is kinda a long time. love can slipped away. but it also can be cherish back. am i rite? i mean, if you actually already have a sorta real feelings towards a person, then if the feelings kinda slipped away, you can go looking for it again rite? wait wait. am i making any sense here? and, he need to tell me what he wants! argh! *sigh*

(2nd him)
choice ooh choice, it's not really hard to make rite? i just dont want to hurt him again. i tried being a good friend to him. reply his texts, pick up his calls, IM with him, out makan with him. but for me that's just a friend friend kinda a thing. i am not giving hopes or anything. but why ooh why he take it that way? *sigh*

(3rd him)
you're very hard to read! what's wrong with you? i really have problem with people who dont talk and tell! hello, i cant read your mind! you dont even give me signs or anything. how you expect me to understand? cold treatment and such. tapi bila aku rekindle things back with my past (1st and 2nd) you act soo weird. a piece of sheet! i dont want to think about it anymore. you're now like my brother. thanks.

drama drama drama.
honestly saying, despite all the drama, i do enjoy my life now. really.
there's one day that i feel really BLESSED!
with everything. haha.

+++++++++

enjoy the pictures. it includes my MakanMakan session.















will update soon about my Bali trip.
till then!!!




September 19, 2009

bright sunny day after a heavy rain poured down

it felt like such a long time since the last time i lay my fingers on my beloved keyboard to blog.

i've been rather busy lately. sorry.

well, actually studies kinda fill up ,most of my time. (honest!)

for this semester, i have another 5 subjects which are:
  • Accounting Practice
  • Economics
  • Writing for Academic Purposes
  • Computing Studies
  • Probability and Statistics
as i am a former science stream student, i actually never ever learn anything about accounting and economics before in high school. therefore, i need to spent more time studying for the subjects.

actually i never felt so helpless in my studies before until this point of time.

yes, i admit, i am FREAKING OUT by that HELPLESS feeling.

so, Liyana is currently moving under a gunfire mode for accounting and economics!

though, at some part, i was like "why in the world do i need to take all these subjects? i'm gonna be taking language for my degree for heaven sake!"

but, that way of thinking wont get me anywhere right? and i always believe that 'everything happen for reasons'.

for this semester, i got 4 subjects which involve calculations. whoah, it's been awhile i didnt do any calculations! ngee!

anyways, Congrats to Baqir, he's done with his first final semester exam. walaupun dia kata his Chemistry paper sucks like hell but i have faith in him. he'll gonna go far. just trust me!

ooh yaa, recently things kinda slowly falling into place. i mean it, SLOWLY.

after i told some rather/kinda/maybe important stuff to him, i saw some changes. quoting what Jes said, "a bright sunny day after a heavy down pour". but what the hell. whatever. following the flow. letting the wind blows and just fall wherever fate decide.

anyways, some pictures from me and my neneks! there's more but its all on my Facebook.

when?: 17 Sept 2009 (2nd sem Foundation)
where?: UCSI mph






from left: zaza, sasha, zazaa, me
front: Jesmyn Tan Ern-Lei


mid autumn of me n zaza


napp-over at Jes house!


happy festival to all from Liyana and Jesmyn!!!




looooove my newest G!!!


ewan si mata besar!



THE END FOR NOW



September 10, 2009

terbang jauh



"akhirnya, perlahan-lahan dia melepaskan tali layang-layang yang dipegang erat selama beberapa minggu itu. perlahan-lahan dia melihat layang-layang itu terbang jauh pergi dan hilang dari pandangan mata. hilang ditelan awan? dia tidak tahu. adakah layang-layang itu akan kembali ke pangkuan dia? satu soalan yang masih belum ada jawapan. elemen harapan, satu hari nanti layang-layang itu akan terbang pulang ke sisi dia. tetapi, elemen harapan sudah tidak relevan dalam situasi ini. tidak releven. dia perlu berhenti. khayalan, imaginasi, berhenti di situ. tetapi sayup-sayup kedengaran suara hati berkata-kata. kata-kata yang kedengaran menyokong dan juga membantah. tidak membantu memulihkan keadaan. biarkan. biarkan ia berlalu dengan tenang. usah difikirkan lagi segala 'kenangan' yang pernah ada. biarkan. ia berlaku sekali lagi. keadaan berulang. sakitnya, sama. tapi, kali ini, terdapat sedikit perbezaan. perbezaan yang akan mendewasakan dia."

~nur liyana~

September 5, 2009

it's over

hello dearest earthlings!
i am here again to crapp in this precious blog of mine.
quick update: i am now a very proud owner of a white ceramic PSP (haha.pictures will follow later).

the other day (aku takk ingat bila entah) sashareen show me some new wallpapers she got for her iTouch. there's one picture with a quote that really caught my attention.

"someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else."

kinda deep. don't you think? the quote has made me thinking of alot of things. one of the things is, is there really exist crapp like oohsoocalled true love? hmm? before i make myself thinking any further, i stopped all the thoughts. why? well, simply because it may get messy and kinda emoemo. haha. stupid reason Liyana!

yet my relationship fail AGAIN. am i not destined for relationship? haha. funny question! like i mentioned what Baqir said to me before, "Liyana, kau paling sesuai single laa." then Eika said,"Lynn,kau kena cari orang yang betul-betul faham kau,kau nie complicated." then MelMel once said,"kau kena belajar setia Lynn."

ahaa, what are you guys trying to imply here? I will end up alone? haha. morbid joke! what the effin hell am i crapping about? ahaa. just another moment of randomness. anyways, its kinda a refreshing feeling knowing there's no more bloody attachment and i get my single life back but still i am kinda concern of what happens in the future. haha.

relationship has been always a mess and such crapp on my opinion. but yet, i still engaged in one. how stupid is that? another thing that really bug me now is the fact that why is it when you really have something real towards someone, things will turned out not well? weird huh? another crappy thing is, i think there's something wrong with me and relationship that have proper 'declaration'.

okay okay, i think its enough that i blabs too much about this sheet. moving on. there's nothing to see here. haha. back to reality!

yesterday, (4 Sept 2009) i engaged in an adult and serious conversation! my first ever one! though at first im kinda too much absorbed in my game but finally the conversation attracts my attention. talking about my future career. haha. kinda early if you asked me but my parents always tell me, you need to shed some light in your pathway so that the light will help you to see what's there at the end of the road. before this all i want in life is to be an independent woman who is RICH and FAMOUS, but now, i want to be an independent woman who is RICH, FAMOUS, and HAPPY of what am i doing for living. clearly, marriage or any kind of attachment is not in my future plan at all. sorry.

by next week, i need to set my goal and such for this new semester. ooh ya, for this sem, i took 5 subjects, which are:
  • Introduction to Probability and Statistics (1st week already finish 1st chapter,i need to study!)
  • Economics (havent go to class yet.)
  • Accounting Practice (havent go to class yet too.)
  • Writing for Academic Purposes (i am going to enjoy this subject!)
  • Computer Studies (yet another class of Mr. Alan Hoo.haha.)
for this semester, most of my class is with my neneks except for Accounting Practice. because all of them are dropping this subject. WTH. nevermind.


introducing my newest loyal companion, (drumroll please!!!!)
taa-daa!!!






how nice if we could buy our other half rite?
we choose the traits and stuff. cool!!!
haha. but i believe in God's power.
Faith is in God'd hands. as He knows the best for us.


fellow earthlings that really help me in the process
of buying the PSP. Mr Ewan. jasa mu dikenang wahai
kawan ku yang emoemo selalu. haha. also thanks to Sha and Zaa
for the trip to Low Yatt. hehe. awal sangat pulak kita pergi that day. hehe.